Stop ruminating (get out of your mind and into your heart)
Have you ever noticed that despite being in a subjectively great situation, your mind is imaging the worst-case scenario? I know I did this for YEARS! And I still catch myself occasionally going there, which is why I am writing this blog.
*A complementary blog for this discussion is a piece that I wrote called “the importance of mindset in healing.” You can access it here!
For me, I started to realize that I was having trouble enjoying things I knew I loved (like a nice deep tissue massage, pizza, date night, movie) because I would start to image them ending. As weird as it sounds, I would feel start to feel nostalgic while still engaging in the fun/enjoyable activity in anticipation of it being over! If this seems crazy, it is! But after talking to many folks in my practice and life, I’ve realized that imaging the worst, a fear-based narrative, is very common amongst us humans.
Why?
Our minds evolved to protect us. Humans don’t have tough reptilian skin, poisonous venom, talons, or the ability to evade with speed or wings that allow for quick ascending. What we do have is a large neocortex, or part of the brain involved in complex decision making and higher-level processing. Because of this, we use patterns from the past to predict the future. For example, if there was a predator the last time you crossed a sidewalk, you’d likely choose another path the subsequent time you go on a walk. Our brains can do this with almost no conscious awareness. In other words, your body’s subconscious perception of safety (emotional, physical, mental) influences how you perceive the world.
This is how we can get stuck feeling relatively comfortable in an uncomfortable, yet familiar situation. Or why we might ruminate on a worst-case scenario while objectively doing something we love. By “imagining and managing” a worst-case outcome, we think we can keep that outcome away from us when in fact, the very act of doing so keeps that scenario close to our hearts.
Okay, so then how do we fix this?
YOU MUST PRACTICE. Just like an Olympic athlete practices mental and physical endurance daily, we too must practice breaking negative thought loops and cycles of fear-based thinking. This process gets easier the more we engage it. Just like a particular muscle memory or learning a new skill at the gym gets easier with repetition and rehearsal. You need to practice nourishing a sense of Self that is distinct from the hustle and bustle of the world around you. When we get still and silent, we begin to foster a sense of who we are; this unwavering sense of Self cannot be seduced by the billions of dollars that go into programming and capturing your attention in the external world.
The first step is in fact catching yourself the second you start ruminating, a form of “metacognition.”
A favorite tool I’ve used in my life is the “stop” tool which is a common tool used by therapists and mindfulness teachers. Whenever you notice yourself slipping into a state of negative rumination or worry, say to yourself (silently or out loud) “STOP” and let all your thoughts cease in that moment. Do not pick them back up. The idea here is based Hebb’s law in neuroscience that states that “cells that fire together, wire together.” The more your break this rumination loop, the less worn this pathway of thinking will become (and the easier it will feel to think differently).
Another powerful tool is gratitude. Your body can’t be anxious and grateful at the same time. I have my patients and clients make lists of celebrations or things they are grateful for so that they are easy to access in moments of stress.
You will find that when the protector/catches-all-worries-and-problems mind character takes a back seat in your emotional landscape, you will begin to be guided by a warmer, more loving voice. This is the voice of your heart. She speaks to you in whispers and is there only to remind you of your innate wholeness.
Though the act of ruminating can feel like a deeply embedded trait learned (unconsciously) from years of programming and fear, humans have an incredible capacity to break free from this chronic stress response. Our brains are literally made for it. We also have the built-in heart navigation system to override the mind; we simply must learn how to listen.
The answer to healing ruminating is a simple, yet profound one: commit to your Truth (and silencing the fears), have patience for the process, and practice compassion for yourself and others. You brain and mind are ultimately your allies in living the life you deserve and want to live; and by using them intentionally while navigating with the wisdom of your heart, you become unlimited.