Attention, accountability, and acceptance

As most of us do, I find myself feeling inspired to speak and reflect on events, interactions, and situations I find myself in as a human navigating Earth school. If you’re reading this, you’re on your own unique journey full of discovery, heartbreak, and adventure filled bliss. Different amounts of these ingredients at different times, because alas, that is an essential part of the bittersweet medicine that wraps around the beauty of life. In my own healing journey and when I work with clients, the idea of letting go comes up consistently. There are so many mistruths when it comes to surrender, so I’m endeavoring to create a container with my words that allows us to fully lean into and play with this often-tender concept.

                  So, what does it mean to surrender? What does it mean to thoughtfully “let go?” We often hear the importance of forgiveness, of accepting things “as they are,” or perhaps learning that the only constant in life is actually change.  What???

                  In a powerful yin yoga class I took the other night, one of my favorite instructors led us through an internal inquiry on surrender. She discussed that surrender is not passive. Surrender is intentionally letting go of aspects of yourself that are not you. I repeat, letting go is not becoming some sort of doormat for everyone to take advantage of. Surrender is releasing who you are not, so that you can reveal in who you are.

                  And thus, we arrive at the discussion that you are not your thoughts, emotions, or feelings. You do have these experiences (and they are very real), but they are not who you are. Who you are is a witness to all these emotions - the good, the bad, and the proverbial ugly. (I would argue that there is no such thing as an “ugly” emotion, because if you allow it, its very presence may assist in your arrival at a crucial decision or medicinal boundary. That strong emotion may serve your highest expression of self). And indeed, even the animated film Inside Out does a great job of showing the benevolent intent behind the characters of our emotions.  

                  This brings me to the importance of attention. If your attention is scattered, it is hard to take responsibility for anything you experience because the stimuli can feel overwhelming. You may feel like life is happening to you, instead of for you. But if you can catch these thoughts, you’ve completed the first essential step in deciding who you want to be. Catch these thought patterns (attention), acknowledge them (accountability) and then decide if you want to keep them in your thought landscape (acceptance). In other words, release the thoughts that hinder your growth. That deliciously keep you a poisoned victim of your own mind. Comfortably uncomfortable with an external locus of control.

Reminder, you cannot heal while in survival mode, no matter how honorable it feels. As the serenity prayer goes, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I would add that from a coherent heart space, you will know exactly when situations, conflicts, or ideas are meant to be released because the perceived heaviness in the way you are currently relating to them is no longer serving you. As Dr. Joe Dispenza so aptly articulates, “memories without the emotional charge are called wisdom.” This introspection is why getting still, silent, and coherent enough to reflect on who you aspire to be is very important to living your most delightful life.

In this way, acceptance is more of an active surrender. It’s taking the incredibly courageous leap to trust in your dreams and in your vitality; to let go of the righteous idea that life isn’t often painful and difficult and to acknowledge that there is also beauty there. Medicine waiting to be unearthed and savored. To accept that the way you perceive your reality determines your mood in a moment, your temperament in a season, and your personality going forward as you resume the position as architect of the life you desire. You are worthy of the gift of your life, simply by being. May we all remember what a gift it is to truly be alive.

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